| During the holidays most families are spending quality | | | | rights, as well as alimony. |
| time together, shopping, ice-skating and, of course, | | | | Discussing these issues in a friendly, realistic manner |
| children harassing their parents about getting them | | | | often produces agreeable results. The process can |
| the latest and greatest toy. It is a special time of | | | | relieve the stress and anxiety associated with |
| year that engenders feelings of hope, happiness and | | | | finances and debt responsibility. However, spouses |
| belonging. We are reminded that family is an essential | | | | must realize there will be a certain amount of |
| part of our lives and the blessings that come with | | | | emotional impact that will not be relieved easily, and |
| being part of one. So it is no wonder that during the | | | | taking care of oneself should be a priority, especially |
| holidays it can be quite challenging for families going | | | | when children are involved. |
| through a divorce. | | | | For some children, divorce can be traumatic, |
| Joyce Brothers once said, "For some reason, we see | | | | especially during the holidays. Seeing other families |
| divorce as a signal of failure, despite the fact that | | | | who are happy and celebrating can leave children of |
| each of us has a right, and an obligation, to rectify | | | | divorced homes feeling isolated. Bound by their own |
| any other mistake we make in life." The first step to | | | | anxieties, parents oftentimes lose sight of the turmoil |
| coping is not to beat up on yourself and understand | | | | their children may be experiencing, since children have |
| that you are not perfect. Take the time to embrace | | | | trouble expressing feelings of abandonment, |
| the experience as an opportunity to learn from any | | | | self-blame and resentment. They have to deal with |
| mistakes. Realizing that you are not alone and the | | | | the change in living environments and the stigma of |
| importance of taking care of yourself are essential | | | | coming from a broken home. These are powerful |
| toward effectively coping with divorce during the | | | | feelings that should not be ignored. So it is incumbent |
| holidays. However, the best way to cope with | | | | upon parents to help their children understand what's |
| divorce is to make sure it's the final solution. | | | | happening by allowing them to express their feelings |
| There are obvious instances where divorce is the | | | | and by reassuring them where insecurities manifest. |
| only solution, as is the case with physical and | | | | Parents also need to make sure they are taking care |
| emotional abuse. However, many times spouses fail | | | | of themselves so that they can successfully |
| to exhaust the many avenues available to them. | | | | transition their children during a divorce. They need to |
| There are plenty of instances where spouses who | | | | take advantage of the holiday spirit and surround |
| were considering a divorce realized that they just | | | | themselves with supportive family and friends. They |
| needed to stop the finger pointing and have a | | | | should try to have as much fun as possible by going |
| conversation about the differences within the | | | | to a funny movie, ice-skating or even having a |
| relationship. When they actually began to listen to | | | | snowball fight with their kids. The key here is to |
| each other, they realized that they still had plenty in | | | | leverage the holiday spirit to make the whole process |
| common. In the same spirit, seeking professional | | | | as painless as possible for their children and |
| counseling as a last resort has saved countless | | | | themselves; and choosing the right method to help |
| marriages. | | | | facilitate that end is one of the most important |
| Being married also has its health benefits. According | | | | decisions in the process. |
| to a German study, people who divorced had a | | | | There are different avenues spouses can explore |
| higher death rate than those who remained married. | | | | when they decide to get a divorce, and the vehicle |
| Married people lived an average of nine years longer | | | | chosen will greatly depend on the disposition of the |
| than unmarried people. However, if all options but | | | | spouses. They may opt for a quick settlement, |
| divorce have been exhausted, then there are ways | | | | negotiation or mediation without advisement from |
| of minimizing the emotional impact. | | | | legal counsel, as they may view a trial as |
| Once spouses decide that they are getting a divorce, | | | | contemptuous. While these options are viable, |
| the best thing to do is agree that they will work | | | | employing legal counsel may be the prudent solution. |
| together in making a smooth transition for | | | | Often, the right legal counsel can do the secondary |
| themselves and their children. This is especially | | | | legwork to make sure everything's in order and |
| important during the holidays as feelings of | | | | maneuver you through a complex system. The right |
| depression and anxiety can be exacerbated if the | | | | legal counsel will not just see you as client number 9, |
| process turns bitter. Spouses can work together on | | | | but will be sensitive to the emotional issues that |
| getting their assets and liabilities in order. They can do | | | | typically come with divorce, will care about your |
| this by listing all assets and their "titling." This includes | | | | needs and protect your interests. This could also give |
| cash flow, savings and investments obtained during | | | | you space to begin the healing process and foster a |
| the marriage. This is a good way to avoid any | | | | positive outlook for life after divorce. |
| surprises. | | | | "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; |
| Another way to avoid financial surprises is for | | | | but often we look so long at the closed door that |
| spouses to participate in financial consultations. | | | | we do not see the one which has been opened for |
| Attending meetings together with their accountant or | | | | us." Deaf and blind, Helen Keller was able to see the |
| financial planner could give the chance for spouses to | | | | importance of moving forward after a divorce, and |
| raise questions about assets and liabilities. Spouses | | | | the ability to realize the promise of happiness if we |
| can also begin to discuss child support and visitation | | | | could just let go and dare for the future. |