| So what is a limiting belief? | | | | believe it with my whole being because I see it in the |
| Don't you love the current expression: 'does what it | | | | women I work with. |
| says on the can'. The can is, of course, purely | | | | They may experience themselves as a human black |
| metaphorical and 'does what it says' suggests clarity | | | | hole. Regardless of what goes into them, nothing |
| and ultimate intelligibility. A limiting belief, obviously, | | | | unconditionally good will ever come out from them. |
| does exactly what it says on the can: it holds people | | | | Or so they believe. They feel condemned to sit |
| back in any and every area of their life. Perfectly | | | | forever on the sidelines, watching the great game of |
| clear - or is it? | | | | life without ever becoming full participants. |
| In fact, the potential problem lies in the underlying | | | | They are like hungry, urchins, whose nose is forever |
| assumption that the limiting beliefs sufferer actually | | | | pressed against the window, They can see other |
| believes they have any real and unique value, gifts | | | | people seated at the banquet of life and they know, |
| and qualities. Often they don't. That's the nature of a | | | | they just know that they'll never participate in that |
| limiting belief. | | | | feast. |
| Women who have endured the brainwashing of an | | | | Now, that knowledge is false. They have no way of |
| abusive relationship don't feel they are blessed with | | | | predicting the future. Their view of their world is |
| value, gifts and qualities. Understandably, they tend | | | | simply darkened by a self-limiting belief that appears |
| not to feel blessed at all. Even if they know, with | | | | to have all the trappings of reality. So they struggle, |
| their head, that they have certainly abilities; even if | | | | futilely, with a vision of the future that is crude, |
| friends, family and colleagues corroborate this, they | | | | pessimistic, and false. That vision that crushes them |
| don't really believe it. It has no bearing on their | | | | daily. |
| emotional world. | | | | And yet, as soon as they turn their focus away |
| "Yes, but..." they'll say; or, "it doesn't make me feel | | | | from themselves, they are perceptive, creative, |
| better about myself", or other words to that effect. | | | | supportive, nurturing, dynamic, multi-talented, |
| They can't feel any pleasure in the good that others | | | | energetic. Those qualities, and many more, are who |
| see in them, because they simply don't believe it. The | | | | they truly are. |
| only communications they can truly receive are on | | | | Anyone who survives an abusive relationship has |
| the frequency of the negative beliefs that they hold | | | | actually dug very deep and unearthed enormous |
| about themselves. | | | | personal resources and riches. |
| It's an agonising place to be, as well as endlessly | | | | For as long as they continue to regard themselves |
| frustrating for the people who try to support them. | | | | through the filter of self-limiting beliefs they may well |
| Working with other women's limiting beliefs recently | | | | remain deaf, blind and numb to their own personal |
| took me back to my first experience of coaching... | | | | treasure. But their treasure will continue to grow and |
| At first when the core question: "What's holding you | | | | the day will come when they are able to claim it and |
| back?" came up: I couldn't even formulate an answer. | | | | rejoice in it. |
| I thought I was doing pretty well when I eventually | | | | How long will the process take? That depends. If you |
| came up with an answer and proudly offered it to | | | | listen to your limiting beliefs, it'll make the seven |
| my first coach: what was holding me back, I said, | | | | labours of Hercules pale into insignificance. |
| was me. | | | | But if you start to challenge them, if you start to ask |
| Awareness has to start somewhere, I guess. As I | | | | yourself - or better still, get someone else to ask |
| now see it, I was both right and wrong. What was | | | | you: 'Is it always that way?', 'Do you never...?' , 'How |
| holding me back was me - inasmuch as it was not | | | | do you know what the future holds? Do you have |
| anyone else. But, equally, what was holding me back | | | | special gifts?' then you'll start to get some new |
| it was not me. | | | | answers and some new realizations. |
| You see, we are not our self-limiting beliefs and our | | | | You'll find that your limiting beliefs will start to fall by |
| self-limiting beliefs are not who we are. Not at all. | | | | the wayside. You'll be surprised by how much faster |
| They are, at most, a distorting, fairground mirror, in | | | | you can move forward without them. And you'll be |
| which we glimpse a grotesque distortion of ourselves. | | | | amazed to discover just how special and valuable |
| I know this with my head because I've learned it | | | | you truly are. |
| somewhere along my own (ongoing) journey. I | | | | |